How to Be a Poser at Coachella (Like Me)

So you've decided to go to Coachella this year. But beyond the Killers, that dude from the Beatles and that M.I.A. song with the guns, you have no idea what the hell's going on (sorry for the condescension, music fans, but as this doubles as an LA blog, you'll have to bear with me). Here's a cheat sheet to help you verbally spar with the skinny-jeans hipsters debating whether to do blow & dance to Crystal Castles or do bi-curiosity & dance to Franz Ferdinand (before going full gay for Morrissey, of course). Anyway, snide jokes aside, here's a quick guide to some of this weekend's highlights......

-Most Anticipated Acts I've Never Seen Live-

1. Crystal Castles (Friday)



The 8-bit rockers' live show has become awfully notorious over the last couple years, and I for one can't wait to see the big guns they'll pull out for Coachella. They command the Sahara tent on Friday, and whatever happens onstage (or in the crowd, for that matter), will undoubtedly be the talk of the night. In other words: these two are fucking crazy, and you don't wanna miss whatever they're gonna do.

2. TV On The Radio (Saturday)

Both times I finally got around to realizing they were playing LA, it was too late to buy tickets, and I didn't much feel like blowing a lot of $$$ to scalpers. So this will be a long time coming for me.

3. Lykke Li (Sunday)



Swooooooooonnnn!!!!!

-Acts That Just Might Headline In A Few Years-

1. White Lies (Friday)

The festival's most controversial young act might be these British upstarts, who are seen by some as a 21st century Tears for Fears/Depeche Mode hybrid, and by others as a Killers knockoff. Their act is worth seeing on Friday, if only to discover if they deliver on the hype, or crumble under the pressure of their biggest stage yet. Based off their killer set at the Viper Room a few months ago, I'd bet on the former.


2. Fleet Foxes (Saturday)

The fact that, barely over a year since the band released its first EP, these guys are playing the festival's second biggest stage, is a testament to their massive talent. If they keep up at this rate, they may be headlining come album #2.


3. No Age (Sunday)

So maybe they won't be headlining til they're the X or Throbbing Gristle-style fringe nostalgia act twenty years in the future, but considering they're one of the hottest (and most influential) acts in the rock right now, you don't wanna miss these guys.

-Fuck it. Let's Just Cut to My Recommended Schedule-

Friday:


Let's be honest, you'll probably be stuck in traffic the vast majority of the day, so if all else fails, make sure you catch Los Campesinos! in the Gobi tent at 4:20. The crowds should be relatively thin, as the more popular bar band is playing one tent away, but believe me when I say these guys have more to prove than The Hold Steady, and will almost certainly put on the crazier show. From there, White Lies play the Mojave tent at 5:20, though if you're already one of their detractors, you can go directly to the Sahara for the Ting Tings. Get comfortable, because this is gonna be the best spot on the field for the next few hours, with Crystal Castles at 6:40, Ghostland Observatory at 7:50, and Girl Talk at 9:00. Of course, if dance music isn't your thing, catching Franz Ferdinand, Leonard Cohen and Morrissey on the big stages aren't the worst ways to spend a Friday night. Either way, it goes without saying that Paul McCartney at 10:00 might just be a popular draw.

Saturday:


Let's be even more honest than we were on Friday: there's nothing worth running to early on in the day, so I'd recommend hitting up a pool party instead (between Adidas, Dim Mak and Guy's House, you're sure to find at least one that's fun). Dr. Dog is the first solid act of the day, but things won't really heat up til TV On the Radio takes the main stage at 6:25, unfortunately scheduled against Glasvegas, but that's how it goes. Wander next door to Fleet Foxes at 7:25, but don't stray too far, as M.I.A. goes on at 8:55. In another tough choice, she's scheduled against Band of Horses, but if you've seen Fleet Foxes already, well.....then you've already kind of seen Band of Horses, so it's cool. Finally, love them or hate them, the Killers should put on one hell of a show at 10:25. If there's any time left, catch the tail end of Gang Gang Dance in the Gobi tent and try not to get a contact high on the way in.

Sunday:



Finally........it's time to sweat it out all day long. Begin your Sunday by rocking the fuck out to Vivian Girls at 12:45, No Age at 1:45, and Fucked Up at 2:50, all in the Mojave tent. Feel free to stick around for the Brian Jonestown Massacre to see who gets kicked in the head, but Lykke Li performs at the Outdoor Theatre at 4:05, then Antony and the Johnsons perform right after at 5:25. Suddenly (thanks to their brilliant 3rd LP) Sunday's buzziest act, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, go on the main stage at 6:15, followed by My Bloody Valentine at 7:50 and the Cure at 9:25, if you've got the energy left. The Kills and the Horrors are really the only other acts worth seeing, but by that point, if you're not somebody's biggest fan, chances are you'll be speeding back to Hollywood. And with all that said, I'll see you this weekend....and I'll be back with my review next week.....along with, possibly, a little help from a friend. You'll see what I mean.......so there you have it. Enjoy your weekend, and don't take too many drugs, or you could wind up hanging out with THESE GIRLS:

White Lies - "Death" (Crystal Castles remix) (zshare download)

The Killers - "Why Don't You Find Out For Yourself" (Morrissey cover) (zshare download)

Ghostland Observatory vs Michael Jackson - "Scream" (Dave Wrangler remix) (zshare download)

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - "Zero" (Animal Collective remix) (zshare download)

You Fucking Crashed Me!

So it's been a while since the last post, thanks to the fact that too many people downloaded songs the other week. Like, 100 fucking GB worth of people within five days(that's a lot). While this surge in popularity is good for the site, it also means my fileden account is dunzo until my bandwidth resets in 16 days. In the meantime, there may be major hiccups with previewing songs directly on Shark Party, but rest assured you can still download them all the same. You just have to click DIRECTLY on the link now, preview the song @ Z-Share, then download from there.

---------------Song of the Week-----------------


Chiddy Bang - "Kids"





Right off the bat, here's the song of the week, from 4 Philly college FRESHMEN named Chiddy Bang (already after my heart with that title), with a re-working of the MGMT smash that's obvious on paper, but absolute genius in execution. I could describe it further, but best to let the guys speak for themselves:


Chiddy Bang Video Podcast #1 from Chiddy Bang on Vimeo.


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Wale feat Lady Gaga - "Chillin"







Yes, I know that's not Lady Gaga with him, but at this point, is there a difference (besides talent)?. Plus it's just fucking hilarious. Anyway......next up is Wale, a rapper from DC who's been making some moves on the underground hip-hop scene for the past 3 years. The sample he uses is a bit more traditional than an MGMT track, but it's one I'm flat out shocked hasn't been used to this degree before. Hopefully the suddenly-high-profile guest he got will help push Wale to the next level, because he's talented enough to deserve some new fans.

The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - "Adult Friction"






Well it took a few months, but we finally have the year's first bona-fide breakthrough band in New York's Pains of Being Pure At Heart. Sounding like The Smiths, Belle & Sebastian, Black Tambourine and even Jesus & Mary Chain slapped together and put in a blender with extra fuzz, the band's self-titled debut has been out since February, and already lit up radio and the blogs in a fiery frenzy. The sound isn't particularly new (especially to the West Coast, where noise-pop acts like Deerhoof have been going strong for a while), but the melodies are beautiful, and all the elements combine in a lovely, unexpected kind of way. If they keep up at this rate, they may well find themselves crossing over to the mainstream, as indie mainstays Grizzly Bear and Phoenix finally seem to be doing. This is good, since considering the state of pop music (that new Black Eyed Peas atrocity; that Keri Hilson song that won't fucking die; whoever the hell is sampling Eifel 65 and vomiting that "lips like sugar" chorus on top of it), the mainstream could definitely use more bands like this one.

So Dance We All

So the Battlestar finale was the best finale ever, and if you disagree, well then you're just crazy. That said, it was pretty heavy-handed, so for those in need of a frakkin' pick me up (I never said I wasn't a nerd), check out some of the best dance tracks released this month:

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - "Zero" (disabled)




Okay, so know how I said that, despite it being my favorite song of '09 so far, I wasn't gonna post this one, since it's flooded the internet so thoroughly? Well, apparently, my friends are not the hype machine geeks that I am, as a couple complained that I only posted the video link. So here it is.

Phoenix - "1901" (disabled)




Moving on, here's the first single off Phoenix's new album, Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix. The French electropop group made waves in the US a few years ago with the single, "Everything is Everything", but have since re-appeared with an album brimming with artistry that, quite frankly, I wouldn't have pegged them with. Every track that's leaked so far has been a breath of fresh air, but the official first single remains my favorite of the bunch.

Roy G and the Biv - "Runnin"





So yes, I do occasionally check my e-mail. Not often, but it happens. I've been burned too many times by PR folks shoving mediocrity down my throat, and as a result, I've become painfully lazy at posting new artists who get directly pitched to the site. The cleverly named Roy G and the Biv (look it up), who hail from deep down in the heart of Texas are proof enough that I should change this practice. Their music recalls fellow Texan dance duo Ghostland Observatory, except they're decidedly more accessible. They also recall Australian duo Empire of the Sun, except they're decidedly grittier, with a host of rock and soul vibes spicing up the bleeps and bloops. By all accounts, their SXSW sets were a damn good time, so I'm looking forward to seeing them venture out West. For a look at their greater catalogue, check out their Myspace HERE. In the meantime, enjoy the new single.

----------------------------Song of the Week---------------------------

Asher Roth - "Lark on My Go Kart"< (disabled)/a>




So Mr. Roth becomes the first artist to get "Song of the Week" status twice on the site, and it's actually for good reason. True, since I posted "The Reading" a couple months ago, he's blown the fuck up with the omnipresent (and yeah, kind of obnoxious) "I Love College", but lest any true hip hop fan doubt his skills, he returns now with some of the best rhymes I've heard in a long time, referencing Mario Kart, 30 Rock and lonely MILFs in one casual breath, backed by equally inventive
production. If his debut LP veers in this direction, and away from fluff like "College" (not that there's not a place for that too), we could have a serious contender on our hands. PS: he locked this shit up for me as soon as he mentioned Razor Ramon.
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Under Construction (In Real Life, That Is)

Still no working computer............still settling into the new place........but nontheless, Shark Party continues. Hopefully in a couple weeks the dust will officially settle, but until then, enjoy some of the best new tracks on the net that aren't Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Royksopp or Grizzly Bear. All three bands have had albums leak in the last month, and all three are fucking amazing, specifically Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Of course, every blogger and their mother has already pillaged them, and posted the tracks up for all to hear, so there's no need for me to join the fray.


Instead, simply click HERE to check out the best track of '09 so far. Now, onto other stuff....

Kid Cudi - Dat New New (VIKING remix)





Kid Cudi capitolized off his 808s & Heartbreak spot with more Kanye-approved solo stuff in 09, quickly building a cult following. More than that, he's effortlessly crossed over to the indie rock crowd by writing songs that don't sound complete until they get slick electro-remixes. Such was the case with Crooker's version of "Day & Night", and such is even more the case with his second "net single", as remixed by VIKING. Here a spare, simple beat gets transformed into a monster of a club banger.

Calvin Harris - I'm Not Alone



Speaking of bangers, Mr. Calvin Harris is back with a track that's suddenly competing with Royksopp for most played club track around. By all accounts, I should already be sick of it, but I actually find myself enjoying it more with each listen.

------------------------Song of the Week---------------------------------


Kelly Clarkson - "I Do Not Hook Up"





I know what you're thinking. First post in weeks, and my song of the week is a Kelly Clarkson track? Well, whatever. It's easily Clarkson's best pop ditty since "Since U Been Gone", which means in a few months (when it's undoubtedly released as the second single), it'll be the pop song that's cool for all the hipsters to say they "secretly love". I'm just getting a head start on that love. And for the American Idol fans on here (and I know there's a cross-section....), the song is co-written by new judge Kara DioGuardi, in case you were starting to doubt her credentials (I'll ignore the fact that she originally penned it for a Katy Perry demo). Not only is this a great pop song on its own, but with Clarkson at the helm, the power chorus gets lifted into the stratusphere, and the ra-ra-girl-power message is infectious, rather than obnoxious. And again, hate all you want in the comments, but I know this is going to get twice as many downloads as anything else I posted today.

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Cryptacize - "Tail & Mane"





Chris Cohen, ex-guitarist of Party faves Deerhoof, has been brought on board the new band Cryptacize, recently approved by Mr. Sufjan Stevens and signed to his Asthmatic Kitty record label. Suf's praise is well warrented: just when you thought Gypsy pop was a dead trend, they revive it anew in a thoroughly untrendy way. Get ready to hear a lot more of these guys.

Dropkick Murphys - State of Massachusetts



Finally, here's the theme song to my new television guilty pleasure, MTV's Nitro Circus. If you haven't seen it, it's basically the de-evolution of Jackass, but watching it will undoubtedly make you feel better about your own life. And the theme song is fucking awesome, brah!

Hot Covers 2: Guilty Pleasure Edition

A whole lot of music news has gone down in the past week, most notably the Coachella line-up, which panned out pretty much like everyone thought it would (including headlining slots from The Killers and Sir Paul), minus an unnecessary reunion or two, and plus the inexplicable addition of Amy Winehouse, which at the very least is a major gamble on the part of the promoters. Overall, it's a great opportunity for me to see a bunch of major bands that I've missed seeing live so far: like TV On the Radio, Fleet Foxes, White Lies and Hercules & Love Affair Between now and April, expect to see lots of the lesser known acts featured here, but for now........I'm in the mood for some covers. And some slightly guilty ones at that.

Corin Joel - "I Kissed A Girl"




First up is a spectacular, soulful re-working of one of 2008's most souless corporate creations. Virtually nothing is known about Delaware's Corin Joel. He has no website, no wiki, and a grand total of about 370 friends on Myspace. But after churning out a magic trick like this, it's doubtful this is the last we'll hear from him, especially if that magic carries over into songwriting.

John Mayer - "Kid A"





On the flip side, we have the case of a generally mediocre talent spinning a classic song.....and (blasphemy!) actually improving it. I know, I know: let the hate mail pour in, but if John Mayer's done one good thing with his spotty, fame-whorish career, it's this cover right here. How does he improve it? Well, you can finally make out Thom Yorke's lyrics, for one. And somehow, by stripping away the reverb and fancy sound effects, and leaving a voice and guitar, the song sounds even bleaker. Most shocking of all is the fact that once it's over, you realize Mayer does in fact have a spark of talent inside him. If it ever gets re-ignited, I promise I'll post notice right here. **NOTE: Apparently you'll have to put even more faith into this than I first thought. For some (coughbloggercodesucksafatcockcough) reason, you can't preview this one on the player, so you'll have to click the link & download it to hear for yourself.

Jukebox the Ghost - "Beautiful Life"





Friday night, Jukebox the Ghost plays a very special show at the Natural History Museum with The Bird and the Bee. If you weren't at their very first LA show a few months ago, make sure to catch them, as they're one hell of a live act. And if you were there, then I probably don't have to convince you very hard. If nothing else, go there just to tell your friends and family you spent your Friday night at a museum, lest they think you're growing uncultured. Of course, if you enjoy drinking alcohol while watching live music, you might prefer to see them tomorrow night at Three of Clubs. The Hollywood lounge should serve as a pretty small venue for a band that just got done headlining an East Coast tour, so check 'em out then if creepy intimacy is your thing. (shoot me an email before tomorrow to get pointed towards the guestlist). Of course, in fitting with the theme today, the band's been known to bust out a great cover or two.

Hot Chip - "Transmission"




Hot Chip is awesome, and so is this cover, especially on repeat listens. Where does the whole "guilty pleasure" thing play into this, you ask? Well I suppose it doesn't really, except that in my book, Joy Division is sacred ground, and anyone who tries to cover them is generally doomed from the start. But add this to Tiger Baby's far guiltier cover of "Love Will Tear Us Apart" (they turn it into a dance track, after all) as one of the few to succeed. It's slower, muted, and even more isolating than the original, and while it certainly can't top Ian Curtis' classic, it's a fine new take, and another notch in Hot Chip's already impressive belt.

Andrew WK - "Never Let Down"





Finally, here's one that's not a cover, but certainly anks up with my favorite "guilty pleasure" tracks of all time. In honor of his new television show, here's my good friend and yours, Mr. Andrew WK. Oh, and I put "guilty pleasure" in quotes, because when a song's this fucking awesome, how much guilt can you really feel about liking it? Also, Mr. WK once wrote me a very special letter to guide me on my journey through NYU. True story. This guy is awesome.

DUUUUUUUDDDE!!!!

So this isn't one of those blogs where I bitch about my personal life, but let's just say it's been a month of transition. Between moving, switching banks, taking a car into the shop, and.....oh yeah, having my computer die, it's been rather difficult to update as usual. It's been a very stressful time, but I figured I should take a minute to throw some musical Prozac out there, not just for me, but for whoever else has had a rough year so far (not including the inauguration of our awesome new Prez, of course). This will be a briefer post than usual, since, like I said, shit be crazy for me right now.

Lady Gaga - "Eh Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say) (Frankmusik's SilverSpoon Remix)"





So things have changed quite a bit since I first wrote about Lady Gaga on my Muxtape blog last Spring. And by that, I mean she's pretty much taken over the world. While the predictable backlash has been harsh, I have to say I'm still a fan of hers - if for no other reason than I appreciate a thoroughly original presence like hers in pop (and if you need another reason: her no-pants trend seems to be catching on with girls in the city. Even in Winter). Frankmusik is an equally unique pop talent, emerging from England and slowly making waves in the US. Expect to hear a lot of his original songs right here in the future, but for now, you'll have to settle for his brilliant re-working Gaga's next single, "Eh Eh", which I always thought had "cherry" in the title (hear the original version and you'll understand).

Iglu & Hartly - "In This City"



Possibly risking sugar overkill, let me just toss one more corny slice of optimism out there, courtesy of Echo Park's Iglu & Hartly. The band's first single is about as cheesy as they come, but there's something endearing about the whole effort as well. In truth, my enjoyment of this song is mostly ironic, and I may immediately regret posting it, but I never claimed to be above posting a guilty pleasure or two. By the way, you can catch these guys at The Viper Room in a couple weeks.

-------------------Song of the Week----------------------------
The Temper Trap - "Sweet Disposition" (removed)



-------------------------------------------------------------------------


Back to genuinely good music, we come to Australia's Temper Trap, who's also the second band from this year's SXSW to be featured here. Before you check them out in Austin this March, take a listen to their beautiful debut single, which is currently gracing the trailer to Sundance hit 500 Days of Summer. Festival overkill for one paragraph, I know, but it's a good listen, nontheless.

The Morehouse Glee Club - "Betelehemu"



Finally, I end with something that always puts me in a good mood: one of the most brilliant songs ever written, performed by the most brilliant chorus in the world (from my brilliant hometown of Atlanta, GA.)

Rest of the Best of Last Year

Now I wasn't going to do this, but as a holdover from my old Myspace blog, here's the list of my favorite films and shows from last year that I've been badgered about posting (not that anyone had to twist my arm too hard about sorting and ranking more entertainment. I'm OCD that way.) Let me just emphasize that for my "worst of"s, I'm only ranking stuff I've actually seen. So if you're surprised I didn't rank "Meet the Spartans" or some shit like that as worst, know that the only way I would've seen it to begin with is if you tied me down, Clockwork Orange style. Not to worry, though. I saw enough awful stuff to give a fairly informed decision on such matters. The opposite is also true, as no, I still haven't seen The Shield, and have only started Season One of The Wire, aka Bow Down and Worship It Or Else, as it seems I'm supposed to call it, so no bitching as to why that stuff isn't on here. Oh, and I threw in actual music, of course, this still being a music blog and all:


-BEST FILMS OF 2008-

01. The Reader

Not only the best, but the most devastating film of the year, by a mile. Kate Winslet's never been better (which, obviously, is no casual praise), and the rest of the cast is spectacular in their own right. It takes work to dissect this film, and the conclusions the viewer might come to after all their effort aren't necessarily cathartic ones. But they ring darkly true, and in a year of strangely over-praised fluff (three Oscar favorites leap to mind, one of which I mention below), "true" counts for a lot. Make no mistake: this is not a film for everyone: it's emotionally brutal, politically incorrect, and sexually graphic, but everything serves a purpose, and nothing is cheap. It's a shame (though not really a surprise) that it's baffled so many critics, but take my word for it: this is one for the ages.


02. The Wrestler

Yes, I am a huge pro wrestling mark, but that only factors in a small bit to my ranking. Darren Aronofsky gives some of the best, most subtle direction I've ever seen, putting you into the minds of his characters in ways that aren't obvious until the film's over, and actors Mickey Rourke & Marisa Tomei hold up their end of the bargain every bit as well as you've heard.


Bruce Springsteen - "The Wrestler"


03. The Dark Knight

Maybe you saw this one.

04. Wall-E

Either Pixar collectively made a deal with the devil, or that studio is the biggest collision of the stars seen in our lifetime.


05. Revolutionary Road

I wouldn't have originally ranked this here, but strangely, it's stuck with me more than anything else I can remember seeing last year. Maybe "stuck with" is the wrong term; "festered" might be more like it, as this is one of the bleakest, most nihilistic things I've ever seen. The casting of Winslet, Dicaprio and Kathy Bates is flat-out brilliant: in addition to their acting chops, the baggage all three carry with them fills in all the early gaps in storytelling, and the implication that this is where that epic romance would have wound up is wonderfully fucked up. Much like Winslet's other film, this is one that critics seemed to miss entirely: it's hardly the ham-fisted condemnation of marriage or suburban America that folks have claimed. Mendes already did that with his first film. This is a tragedy about choices, and about action (or the lack thereof), and features the most explosive acting of '08, not just from its leads, but from a flawless supporting cast, particularly Michael Shannon, who makes the most of a very fun role....

06. Slumdog Millionare

A modern day Dickensian epic that has no agenda to push, but just makes you feel good. And sometimes, after watching stuff like nearly everything mentioned above, that can be enough.

A.R. Rahman feat M.I.A. - "O Saya"


07. Happy-Go-Lucky

Mike Lee's lightest film is also one of the director's most rewarding, and Sally Hawkins' performance will bring a smile to even the most jaded filmgoer. Like Slumdog, it's one to watch when your day needs a good cheering up.

08. Let the Right One In

This is a horror film in a very literal sense. Like last year's The Signal, this is one that disturbs you on a subconscious level, until the big scares finally bring the panic out of you. It also features some of the most impressive kid acting ever. Even if it's all in Swedish.

09. In Bruges

The insanely talented Martin McDonough makes a seamless transition from stage to film in his screenwriting debut. Colin Farrell's never been better, and the film is as funny as it is dark.

10. Milk

Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about the star and the director of this film, so for me to put it this up here means A LOT. This is a film that breaks a lot of biopic cliches, and teaches you something without ever being preachy. And Josh Brolin continues to prove why he's fucking awesome.

(Honorable Mention: Cloverfield, Pineapple Express, Mister Foe, and with just a smidge of guilt.....Step Up 2 The Streets. Trust me.....see it in the right context, and you'll have the best time ever).

-WORST FILMS OF 2008 THAT I ACTUALLY SAW-

1. The Spirit

Don't get me wrong: as awful as this is, I had the best time ever heckling it with my friends. But none of the fun I had (or the extreme, very-wrong hotness of the young Eva Mendes stand-in) can hide one simple fact: this film is an epic trainwreck. It would be impossible to give you the full scope of its awfulness, but it might help to describe the film's peak (or rather, its crater): in one scene, a villainous Samuel L. Jackson and Scarlett Johannson,dressed in full-on SS regalia, swastikas and all, taunt the title hero, then liquify a small kitten in front of a giant headshot of Hitler. To my memory, there is no explanation for any of this, as the topics discussed in the scene are entirely removed from anything happening onscreen. It's all done for shock value. That about sums up the entire film.

2. The Happening

Exactly one Nazi kitten-killing scene away from being every bit as awful as The Spirit. Though the lion tamer scene comes mighty close. In true Tommy Wiseau fashion, M. Night came out after the film opened and tried to retroactively label his effort "a black comedy", but the truth of the matter is, it's just fucking awful. Of course, that doesn't mean it isn't hilarious.

3. Mamma Mia!

Yes, I got dragged to this, but to say I had no free will would be to lie. Thus, I only have myself to blame for the 2 hours that I'll never get back, or the fact that I slid at least ten points closer to "gay" on the Kinsey scale because of this. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just not why I generally go to the movies.

4. The X Files: I Want to Believe

The production values are about on par with the TV show, and the plot feels ripped from a bad spec script. What a waste.


5. Gran Torino

I won't go so far as to call Eastwood the director a hack, but to say I don't care for much of his recent work (the brilliant Letters From Iwo Jima removed) is an understatement. While Changeling offended me far less than some of the others, he bottomed out with Gran Torino, a shallow and hilariously misguided attempt at sentimental race lessons. The supporting characters are all vintage Eastwood: the one-dimensionally spoiled granddaughter, the one-dimensionally evil gangbangers, and the one-dimensionally saintly preist all spring to mind. But what makes this one special is the atrocious acting by all involved (save Eastwood himself and John Carroll Lynch), and the script, which manages to make a racist film out of anti-racist themes (and yes, I'm fully aware that all of Eastwood's "gook" and "slopehead" remarks are supposed to be TOTALLY ironic by the end, man), and turns Eastwood's character into a parody of himself. How this is topping several critics' "Best of" lists, I have no idea. Clearly I (and my friends......and the entire laughing theatre we saw this with) saw a different film than those critics did. But then again, I could say the inverse for The Reader and Revolutionary Road. I guess I was just living in bizarro world last year.




-BEST TV OF 2008-

01. Mad Men (AMC)

Another year, and still the best thing on television. There's no hyberbole I can throw out that you haven't already heard, so just watch it and enjoy.


02. Battlestar Galactica (Sci-Fi)

Against all odds, the writers are delivering on the very ambitious promises they made when the show first began. Over the course of four seasons, it's only gotten meatier, scarier and more challenging, climaxing in the best "What the Fuck" moment seen on television in a very long time when it aired its mid-season finale. Half a season to go, it seems certain that the creative powers that be have at least one more surprise to knock us out with. The bar's been set high....

03. Summer Heights High (HBO)

The best creative (if not commercial) move HBO made all year was importing Chris Lilley's outstanding Australian comedy, where he plays three roles that populate the title school: Mr. G, a vain and tragically delusional drama instructor, Jonah, a trouble-making, 13 year old Pacific Islander, and Ja'mie, a spoiled, 16 year old private school transfer. The characters never interact, and despite their bold design, they're all fully realized human beings. It helps that the supporting cast is as flawless as Lilley, interacting with him as realistically as they would any other actor. The result is a show that stands apart from a host of similar mockumentaries by playing everything as straight as possible. There's no winking here, and the show is all the better for it. It's hilarious, but also completely real, and if there's any justice, Lilley will get the chance to make a host of shows just like it in the future, hopefully to a much bigger audience.

04. 30 Rock (NBC)

One show that's finally finding the audience it's always deserved is right here, and the "Carrie Fisher/Alec Baldwin goes to therapy with Tracy" episode is the funniest thing that's aired since Arrested Development.


05. Gossip Girl (CW)

Yes, this show is fucking ridiculous, but even in its plot holes and ludicrous twists, it is enjoyable. Well, not just enjoyable, but a blast to watch. The various story threads are woven in impressive fashion, and the acting (minus the questionable non-talents of Chace Crawford and Taylor Momsen) is surprisingly solid. In particular, the anti-romace of Blair (Leighton Meester) and Chuck (Ed Westwick) helped elevate what could be a run-of-the-mill teen soap into a modern day Les Liasons Dangereuses, and New York has never looked better on television. Once you accept that the show is ludicrous, you can start enjoying the hell out of its storytelling. It also doesn't hurt that by featuring the likes of LCD Soundsystem, The Deadly Syndrome and even classic Love and Rockets (they actually ended an episode with "No New Tale to Tell"), the show's made itself the best music showcase on television.

06. It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia (FX)

The best season yet of FX's "Seinfeld on crack", Kaitlin Olsen really shined this year in the role of Sweet Dee, and might just be the funniest woman on television. Evidence that supports this argument: Martina Martinez and Dee's sad attempt to recreate Sex and the City. Once you see these moments, you might be forced to agree.

Electric Dream Machine - "Day Man" (Bungeebot Remix)



07. The Soup (E!)

Still the only talking head show that matters....

08. The Colbert Report (Comedy Central)


....except for this one.


09. The Whitest Kids U'Know (IFC)

I have fond memories of watching these guys live every week at Pianos, back when I lived in New York, and it's great to see that all the wit and energy that went into their act survived the transition to TV. Their first season on the Fuse network (which featured reworkings of much of their old material like "Scarin' Babies!" and "The New Thing") was fine, but once IFC stole them away and let them perform their new sketches completely uncensored, the gloves came off. The guys' third season begins January 27th, and you can get ready for it right HERE.
If you've been mourning the death of underground sketch comedy, this is the show calling your name.

The Whitest Kids U'Know - "Dinosaur Rap"



10. Saturday Night Live (NBC)

Of course, if you're perfectly fine with mainstream sketch comedy, 2008 was probably a good year for you, as SNL returned to relevance and, for the most part, returned to quality in a big way. Despite that soap-boxy "Bitch is the New Black" shit she pulled back when she was hosting, Tina Fey became the show's MVP with the best (and seemingly most effective-check the drop in Palin's approval ratings the week SNL premiered) political skewering since Will Ferrel as Bush, but the rest of the show has actually been pretty awesome too. Here's hoping this isn't a passing trend, but the beginning of another golden era for Studio 8H.

(Honorable Mention: "Lost", "Pushing Daisies", "Fringe", "South Park" and "Generation Kill")

-WORST TV OF 2008 THAT I ACTUALLY SAW -

01. Momma's Boys (NBC)

Where to start with this shit? The casting of three white (and clearly white-loving), age 25 and under guys versus a bunch of mostly late-20s to early-30s multicultural women clearly set up for humiliation? The inclusion of a Jewish mother actually named Esther who chooses Matzo ball soup as her favorite dish, and unironically uses the words "mensch", "kerflempt" and "meshugana", with no concern about looking like a creation of Anti-Semetic propoganda? Or, better yet, the inclusion of an actively racist mother who looks down on girls with "big booties"? For once, I'm at a loss. Congrats, producer Ryan Seacrest. If this is your secret plot to kill reality tv once and for all by scraping the barrel clean, then I commend you. If not, you deserve a grim fate indeed.

02. Celebrity Rehab (VH1)

Dr. Drew deserves the same fate.

03. Family Guy (Fox)

I was never on this show's bandwagon to begin with, but it coaxed me into liking it when it first came back from the dead, exploding with a rapid fire assault of barely connected-yet still engaging jokes. These days, it's coasting on mean-spirited, scatological fumes again, and characters merely exist to recite lazy, desperate-to-be-edgy nuggets ("Polio in the 50s was like AIDS is today, except people with polio get into heaven" exclaims Peter in a moment sure to generate rousing water-fountain talk Monday during recess), or to take shits and talk about it. A lot. Meanwhile, creater Seth McFarlane becomes the richest man in television with a new deal, and gets hailed by magazines as one of the "Most Intelligent People in Entertainment". Fair enough. I won't deny that Family Guy has its audience. But of course, so does The Hills and The O'Reily Factor.

04. Californication (Showtime)

The amount of people who said this show was right up my alley was staggering, so I finally tore through the whole first season on DVR, and while I found myself not hating it by the end, the second season has heightened everything I do hate about the show, while destroying any and all charm it had garnered by the end of season one. I hate the fact that this is what most people think of when they think of LA (trust me, this show is about as realistic to LA as Ugly Betty is to NY). I hate that there isn't a single likable adult on the show, and I hate that David Duchovy and the show's writers force us to watch their sad fantasies, masquerading as "edgy" entertainment. Most of all, despite plotlines that include rampant sex, cocaine use and porno filming, I hate how dull it all ends up being.


05. Manswers (Spike TV)

Really? THIS is what it's all come to? We may be done as a species after all. In all honesty, this is by far the worst show listed on here, but thankfully, it has yet to reach a wide audience, so the damage it's caused is fairly limited, at least in comparison to the others. So far.....